Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
