tell your sister to shave her snatch
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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