Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
