I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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