I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
