I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
