did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Randomize
