be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I need to stop coming to work sober
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
