I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
