When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
