I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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