Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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