so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
