I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
