And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
