Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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