I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
