Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
