Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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