I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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