I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
