Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
