mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
