he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Houston, we have a squirter
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
