Reggie can tackle my bush.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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