He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I love you. Go after that dick
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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