wakey wakey hands off snakey
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
