i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
