How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
