A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
did i walk over a car last night?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
