i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
