I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I looked at my own cervix.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
