captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
