when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
