I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
