My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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