Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
false alarm. still invincible.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
