..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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