is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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