how do flat chested girls get laid?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
