I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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