You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
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His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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