I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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