do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
