I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just blew my weed a kiss
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize