is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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