Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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