No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
