white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.