I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.