The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
