We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
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Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!