..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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