i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.