how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
