I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
