Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
