So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
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Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize