i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
