great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize