So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
