38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
