Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
