I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
