there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
