just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
