I think I died a long time ago.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
