I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
