you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.