Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth