oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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