So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching