Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"

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(914): when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing" http://tfl.nu/damz

Replies (27) Good night (691) Bad night (3840)
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(816): View more from Missouri

you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.

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(816): you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell. http://tfl.nu/74j4

Replies (30) Good night (891) Bad night (3703)
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(516): View more from New York

I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume

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(516): I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume http://tfl.nu/0r2u

Replies (47) Good night (2037) Bad night (4400)
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(315): View more from New York

We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."

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(315): We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah." http://tfl.nu/z1lt

Replies (82) Good night (1471) Bad night (21883)
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(813): View more from Florida

He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL

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(813): He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL http://tfl.nu/4831

Replies (56) Good night (1512) Bad night (5990)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.

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(401): we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either. http://tfl.nu/u7gs

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(440): View more from Ohio

i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.

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(440): i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky. http://tfl.nu/4mz4

Replies (264) Good night (2611) Bad night (27416)
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(301): View more from Maryland

dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow

(410): View more from Maryland

so basically your not goin out tonight?

(301): View more from Maryland

who said that?

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(301): dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow (410): so basically your not goin out tonight? (301): who said that? http://tfl.nu/qimw

Replies (13) Good night (5356) Bad night (907)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.

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(+44): The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them. http://tfl.nu/yb6x

Replies (20) Good night (686) Bad night (3719)
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(619): View more from California

He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.

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(619): He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated. http://tfl.nu/4d8a

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(516): View more from New York

nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex

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(516): nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex http://tfl.nu/zwof

Replies (9) Good night (3017) Bad night (1033)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.

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(+61): I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog. http://tfl.nu/k4kj

Replies (5) Good night (1570) Bad night (952)
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(904): View more from Florida

Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne

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(904): Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne http://tfl.nu/4m6j

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(248): View more from Michigan

In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!

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(248): In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list! http://tfl.nu/ms7h

Replies (20) Good night (1257) Bad night (469)
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(214): View more from Texas

I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary

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(214): I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary http://tfl.nu/wcin

Replies (9) Good night (252) Bad night (683)

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