I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.