Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.

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  (404): Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one. http://tfl.nu/q7a8
  Replies (2) Good night (2821) Bad night (591)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.

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  (785): We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson. http://tfl.nu/vrgn
  Replies (19) Good night (5051) Bad night (2163)
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  (949): View more from California

  Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"

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  (949): Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick" http://tfl.nu/m9ln
  Replies (22) Good night (3905) Bad night (1309)
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  (585): View more from New York

  i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?

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  (585): i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair? http://tfl.nu/daid
  Replies (32) Good night (10973) Bad night (1272)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't think we should have started that trash fire

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  (215): I don't think we should have started that trash fire http://tfl.nu/5qs5
  Replies (14) Good night (2028) Bad night (1506)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.

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  (970): She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag. http://tfl.nu/2nbx
  Replies (12) Good night (909) Bad night (2657)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.

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  (651): You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions. http://tfl.nu/alli
  Replies (8) Good night (2004) Bad night (827)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions

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  (912): Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions http://tfl.nu/6v32
  Replies (3) Good night (1634) Bad night (721)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples

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  (541): Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples http://tfl.nu/ex1b
  Replies (7) Good night (1051) Bad night (629)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.

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  (570): My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think. http://tfl.nu/k90n
  Replies (7) Good night (622) Bad night (567)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.

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  (775): I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot. http://tfl.nu/46g7
  Replies (3) Good night (582) Bad night (378)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done

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  (301): Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done http://tfl.nu/5hl8
  Replies (1) Good night (690) Bad night (439)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me

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  (514): In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me http://tfl.nu/f4ks
  Replies (0) Good night (890) Bad night (368)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.

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  (773): I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose. http://tfl.nu/dyi2
  Replies (1) Good night (522) Bad night (302)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?

  (815): View more from Illinois

  And me

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  (309): Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual? (815): And me http://tfl.nu/crux
  Replies (0) Good night (279) Bad night (225)

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