mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
