I am in a vortex of obligation.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process