did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.