Swine flu. Run for my life!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
