don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
