I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
