Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
