Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
