at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
