How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
