some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
